Excerpts from a Life
by TheYmp
Summary: A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.
1. More of the Same

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

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**Excerpts from a Life**

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_"Serve God, love me and mend. This is not the end,_

_Live unbruised, we are friends._

_And I'm sorry, I'm sorry."_

_-_ 'Sigh No More', Mumford and Sons.

~#~

**More of the Same**

Dean lay in the rubble, too exhausted to do anything other than stare up at the sky. He was free at last; it had been a long-shot, but his plan had worked and the Leviathans were finally gone. He knew he should have felt joy, but instead he just felt numb. He was too tired and worn down from losing everything and everyone he'd cared about.

A figure stepped into view, the sunlight forming a corona of scintillating light around him.

"Are you alright?" came the gravel-toned voice.

Dean smiled up at Cas, _Nearly everyone_, he mentally corrected.

"I am now," he replied accepting the helping hand as the angel gripped him tight and pulled him from the mud.

"Thanks, for holding them back, man. I couldn't have done this without you," Dean said with sincerity, for him it was quite the olive branch.

"It was the least I could do," Cas answered stiffly, shame coloring his cheeks as he avoided eye-contact.

With a soft fluttering of wings he was gone.

Dean gave a gentle sigh and trudged back to his beat-up jeep.

~#~


	2. New Beginnings

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

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**Excerpts from a Life**

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**New Beginnings**

Dean stifled a groan as he came back to wakefulness, his back and neck complaining at the uncomfortable hospital chair and the awkward position he'd fallen asleep in. He rubbed his hands across blurred and bloodshot eyes, laying aside the Vonnegut novel he'd been reading to his brother. Not that Sam liked 'Slaughterhouse 5', he'd always said he hated it, but it had been Dean's twisted idea that it might encourage his younger brother to wake from his coma and bitch at him to read something else.

He gave a start as he noticed Castiel standing silently at the foot of Sam's bed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Cas apologized, as he walked round to the head of the bed on the opposite side to Dean.

"Cas, what're you doing here?" Dean asked, it had been weeks since he'd last seen the angel.

"Attempting to atone for past wrongs," Cas answered, laying his hands on Sam's chest. He stood motionless for a moment, before making a small groan of pain and crumpling to a heap on the floor.

Dean rushed to Cas' help with a wordless cry of alarm.

"I'm fine," complained the angel, pushing aside Dean's help and pulling himself unsteadily to his feet, "He'll be okay now. He should wake soon, but when he does he'll have no memories other than those before his time in Hell. I'm sorry, but that's the best I can do."

"Thanks Cas," Dean said, finding mere words inadequate to describe what he was feeling. He raised an arm in an awkward gesture, but let it drop back to his side at the blank expression on his friend's face.

Castiel shrugged and hobbled slowly towards the door.

Dean almost didn't see, so eager was he to turn back to his brother, but good hunters train themselves to notice small details missed by the rest of us.

"Wait. Cas, what have you done to yourself?" Dean asked, his voice thick with emotion. He'd met enough angels in his time to know that the winged beings took such an immense joy in flight that it was a wonder they even knew how to use a door.

Cas stopped, but kept his back to Dean, "I've been banished from Heaven, they won't allow me back."

Dean felt a stab of guilt that his first reaction was a selfish glee that the angel wasn't leaving him for good, "I'm sorry, but you're always welcome to stay with us, y'know."

Castiel turned and Dean was shocked to see tears in his eyes; he'd never seen Cas cry before, "I barely have any angelic ability left now, and even that will fade in time now I'm cut off from the Host."

Dean felt hurt that Cas would think he only wanted him around because he was _useful_, but then he realized it was his own actions over the past year or so that had probably made the angel think that in the first place.

Sam shifted on the bed, finally rousing from the long coma following his Lucifer-induced breakdown, "Dean?" he called, his voice cracked and broken from the breathing tube and weeks of disuse.

Dean stood with his back to his brother and pointedly took a step towards his friend.

"Cas, it's fine. Please stay. Bobby always used to say that family don't end with blood," he said with a catch in his voice and with that he finally allowed himself to comfort his brother.

"Thank you," sighed Cas, as he dropped into a nearby chair. A moment later he was asleep.

~#~


	3. Setting Down Roots

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

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**Excerpts from a Life**

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**Setting Down Roots**

"So are you _really_ sure?" Dean asked anxiously.

"Yes!" answered Cas, for about the dozenth time.

"I mean, I know it's a big step an' all."

"It's _fine_," laughed Cas.

"I'm nervous."

"It's not like you've not done this before."

Dean scowled, "Yeah, well, that didn't turn out so well, did it?"

"You worry too much. Anyway, on this occasion there are no unresolved issues hanging over us, are there?" Cas replied, making it more a statement than a question.

Dean looked at the small house with a strange combination of trepidation and longing, while holding the keys at the ready.

"Hey, what's takin' so long? You tryin' to decide who's gonna carry whom over the threshold?" called Sam.

Cas rolled his eyes and decided not to dignify that with a comment, Dean on the other hand went red as a beet and started an angry bellowing at his brother.

Sam just roared with laughter, but he did sometimes wonder if perhaps they might be happier together as a couple, as Lord knows they seemed to do everything else together.

Cas pulled a cooler from the trunk of the jeep and handed around beer, distracting the brothers from starting their own version of the apocalypse.

"A toast," he said, "to putting down roots."

They clinked bottles and each took a swig of beer, each man lost in his own memories of previous failed attempts at a normal life.

Dean cleared his throat and rummaged in his jacket pocket to retrieve a small newspaper-wrapped parcel.

"I got you something," he muttered, seeming embarrassed as he passed it to Cas.

Sam had a sudden light-headed moment until he noticed that the parcel was too flat to be what he'd initially thought.

Cas unwrapped the gift with a puzzled, ghost of a smile on his face. He looked at the contents then back up at Dean, his intense blue eyes now glistening in the afternoon sun. "Thank you," he said with feeling, "You do me a great honor and one I will do my very best to be worthy off."

Dean waved away the chick-flick moment, trying and failing to hide his pleasure at the way his gift had been received. His allergies must have been acting up because he gave his eyes a surreptitious wipe.

"What is it?" Sam asked, his curiosity roused.

Suddenly unable to speak past the lump in his throat Cas silently, and with great pride, showed him the bundle of ID card, birth certificate, passport and credit cards that each bore the name "Castiel Winchester".

Sam did a quick double-take on the date of birth listed on the adoption papers, "Hey, you made Cas _younger_ than you!" he accused.

"You're dreamin' if y'think I'm giving up this older brother gig! This way you _both_ have to do what I say," Dean smirked.

~#~


	4. Memories of Another Future

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

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**Excerpts from a Life**

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**Memories of Another Future**

Sam realized that Cas was a good influence on Dean in a very unexpected way. He'd been aware for a while that Dean kept a very tight rein over what Cas did or didn't do, and that definitely included what Cas drank. Although he'd still be considered a heavy drinker, when he was with Cas, Dean also inadvertently drank just a little bit less than he otherwise would... and that could only be a good thing.

Sam had worried over his brother's rather controlling behavior, certain that it was a carryover from their father's equally overbearing ways, but when he felt compelled on Cas' behalf to try to talk to Dean about it, his normally opinionated brother suddenly clammed up.

Sam suspected that it had something to do with Dean's angel-sponsored trip to what was now an alternative 'never-happened' 2014 timeline. He found it strange to think that that year, now in the past, had once been his brother's trip to the future. Dean had always point-blank refused to discuss what he'd seen, so it obviously wasn't all puppies and ponies.

Dean's fears of that future had been gradually superseded by a dread for the day that Sam would leave him to settle down and make a family of his own. That day was very obviously on the horizon and approaching at an alarming rate, but Dean was finding it easier to let go with an adopted 'younger' brother to look after, and one who just plain adored him. It reminded him of the happier, simpler days of his childhood and the unwavering hero worship from Sammy that used to tug at his heart strings.

It's not that he thought Cas was passive, but the ex-angel obviously didn't share Sam's need to assert his own independence. Maybe it was just that he wasn't human - although he was doing a better and better job every day of passing for one. Cas was made for a very specific purpose - to be a warrior; just point him in the right direction and off he would go, smiting and raining down righteous fury for all he was worth.

Dean got that; his own father had pretty much the same idea in terms of raising him. Cas needed structure, he needed to understand and trust the chain of command, and he seemed to revel in orders, but only so long as they were in line with his conscience. Dean knew that when the other, future-Dean lost his way, so did Cas who then, like a petulant child, went on an acting-out spree of epic proportions.

Only Cas knew how close that alternate future came to being reality, and he thought it would be a mistake for him to ever divulge that he knew about the details of that other timeline. He told himself that he was concerned that it might make Dean mistakenly think that he had something to do with Zachariah's machinations for showing it to Dean in the first place. Deep down he knew that it was really because he feared Dean's protective feelings might change if he thought he no longer had to guard Cas from the truth of that future.

After all the disastrous decisions he'd made when trying to play the role of Dean's protector, Cas concluded that it was best not to over-think or try to define the nature of his complex relationship with the man.

Castiel, the angel, knew that names have power; he was present at the beginning when the universe was created by being named with a single Word. Cas, the man, knew that sometimes you have to live with a thing for a while before you know what to call it, and even then not everything needs to be labeled.

Where Dean goes he will follow, for as long as he is wanted. Thanks to the Winchesters he now knew the unique joys of family, and was just happy to bask in the love and affection that he'd always wanted.

~#~

**A/N: I owe a great debt of gratitude to CFEditor who suggested a number of improvements to this chapter that ****I think really make it shine;**** any remaining mistakes are mine**** alone****.**


	5. Pairing Off

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

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**Excerpts from a Life**

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**Pairing Off**

Cas gazed in affection as Sam and Sarah Winchester née Blake took to the floor in their first dance as husband and wife.

It had been a relatively small affair. On the groom's side there were pretty much just the three Winchesters and a psychic – although Missouri had been under strict instructions not to channel any spirits or cast any prophecies. None of the Campbells had survived Crowley's vengeance and most of the hunters they used to know were either dead, missing, or would have tried to kill them on sight. As for the bride, only a handful of Sarah's more extended family were still alive.

During the ceremony Cas had read _1 Corinthians 13_ and afterwards Sam had almost blown their cover by hugging him and telling him, in earshot of the Pastor, how awesome it was to have those words read by an honest-to-God angel of the Lord. Luckily for them the Pastor, despite already being puzzled why the wedding party had chuckled as Cas had recited his first line, had assumed they were talking figuratively rather than literally.

Dean had even managed to restrain himself during his best man's speech, mainly due to the need to play down the peculiarity of their origins.

As Cas watched the celebration going on around him, it was strange to think that it had all started one drunken evening when Sam had decried the lack of suitable female company...

Dean had just quirked an eyebrow and muttered something suitably disparaging before going back to dozing on the sofa, but then the eldest Winchester was an avowed bachelor.

Cas vaguely remembered saying something about understanding Sam's desire for something more permanent, only realizing the truth of the words as they left his lips.

"Yes, but how do I explain who I am? Maybe if I hadn't tried to hide it from Jess she'd still be alive," said Sam.

The mention of Jessica made Cas realize how much his adopted brother must have drunk.

"Well, is there anyone you knew from before?" asked Castiel, meaning 'before you left Stanford', but it was a testament to their life that Sam interpreted this as 'before you died'.

"Oh!" smiled Sam, as he obviously immediately thought of someone.

Cas had stumbled down to breakfast the next day to find Sam nursing a hangover and with a triumphant grin stretched across his face. With the single mindedness and skills borne from his upbringing, Sam had already researched and hunted down Sarah Blake's new address and phone number.

A phone call out of the blue soon proved that it didn't seem to matter that a fair few years had passed since they'd last met, or that Sam no longer had any memory of a couple of them. There had been relationships for both of them in the interim, but whatever spark had been there before was very obviously still there now. A first date that didn't involve spirits or saving each other's life had quickly evolved into a steady relationship.

A couple of months in and Sam had proposed, and now barely six months later he was married...

"Not falling asleep are you?" teased Dean, jolting Castiel from his recollections and back to the present.

"Come on, let's go get you some air before one of the bridesmaids drags us onto the dance floor," he laughed, pulling Cas to his feet and snagging a couple of bottles of warming Champagne.

"I like th'bubbles," hiccupped Cas, some considerable time later, as he drained his glass.

Dean looked at him blearily, "I think you've had enough," he said, trying to speak without slurring his words.

Cas made a half-hearted, token refusal, before he allowed Dean to lead him, swaying from side-to-side, back to the hotel room they were sharing. It only took them four or five attempts to get the door open.

Once inside, Cas started shucking clothes as he went, until stumbling over his pants, he fell against Dean and collapsed on top of him on one of the twin beds.

There was a long moment as the men stared at each other. A tipping point, pregnant with possibilities, hung in the balance... until finally the moment passed.

Cas got to his feet, "G'night Dean," he giggled, before staggering over to the other bed.

The next day, since there was only the vaguest of memories made hazy by drink, there was no cause for any awkwardness between them, but they never drank _quite_ that much again.

~#~

**A/N: 1 Corinthians 13(1): **_**Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.**_


	6. All Dogs go to Heaven

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

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**Excerpts from a Life**

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**All Dogs go to Heaven**

"Uncle Cas! Uncle Dean!" came the excited cries from the four and six year old girls running at full pelt into the house, while their parents Sam and Sarah followed at a more sedate pace behind them.

Cas looked around him with joy at his adopted family, he couldn't believe how blessed he was. He enjoyed watching Dean interact with children, especially their nieces who they both absolutely doted on. Dean, unlike many men without children of their own, seemed to have a natural affinity for them and was able to talk to them at their own level.

Then he realized his mistake. Dean _had_ had a child; he'd raised Sam and provided all the nurturing that their father either couldn't, or wouldn't, give. Maybe it was just as well that John was no longer alive as Cas could only imagine that at some point he would have had a few choice words to say to the man about his parenting skills.

Cas watched Mary toddle over to Dean, while Katie gave him an extra long hug, "I'm very sad," she said with all the profound seriousness a six year old could muster. He knelt down to her when he noticed she'd been crying

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Mr. Bubbles died."

"Her fish," called Sam in explanation from where he was carrying in the bags, realizing that they'd never carried this many provisions in all the years they'd been hunting.

"Mommy helped me bury him in the back garden and say a prayer. Do you think he's in Heaven?"

Cas smiled, "I'm sure of it. All God's creations go to Heaven when they die."

"Really?" surprise letting the unintended word slip from Sam's lips.

Cas looked at him for a moment, only humans went to Hell, but this wasn't something he was going to discuss with his niece, "There's even an angel specifically tasked with reuniting pets with their owners," he added.

Sam looked at him dumbstruck, "Wow."

"Uncle Cas, are you and Uncle Dean married?" asked Katie in a loud voice; she was already bored with the answer to her former question and had moved on to the next subject.

Sam choked, Dean went bright red, while Sarah just looked between Dean and Cas with a keen interest.

"Er, no, sweetie, why would you say that?"asked an embarrassed Sam. He couldn't really care less if they were together or not, but Dean had been _pretty_ as a teen and years of teasing had made him sensitive about his sexuality and Sam didn't want him to think they'd been discussing him. They had of course, just not when Katie was in the room.

"Oh, cause Nicole's got two dads."

"No, I'm not married to Uncle Dean. We're brothers," smiled Cas.

"Good, cause _I'm_ gonna marry you when I'm grown up," declared Katie.

"Mommy, can I have a puppy now Mr. Bubbles is dead?

~#~

**A/N: The angel Denarial, as written by Lampito in her excellent 'Jimiverse', reunites pets with their owners.**

**In my head I decided that Sarah and Sam's daughters are named after their respective mothers. I'm not certain now if I read somewhere that Sarah's mother was called Katherine, or if I just made that up.**

**Bangingpatchouli on Tumblr wrote an insightful short article on the impact of Dean's 'prettiness' on his upbringing.**


	7. Acts of God

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

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**Excerpts from a Life**

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**Acts of God**

People stood around waiting in small groups; all dressed in black they looked like flocks of crows. A few whispered conversations started as more people arrived, but soon petered out under the oppressive tension in the air that was so strong it was palpable. Every once in a while the unbearable silence was punctuated by a quickly muffled sob.

Sympathetic glances flicked toward Sam as he dragged himself out of the long black car. A few of the people waiting approached and muttered heartfelt apologies, but no one really knew what to say.

Cas and Dean made their way over to Sam, and for a moment there was a series of intense, un-Winchester-like hugs and shedding of tears, before everything was battened back down and made ready for business.

"How's Katie, holding up?" asked Cas.

"Prob'ly better than me. I've asked Sarah's cousin, Karen, to sit with her, in case I..." Sam broke-off suddenly.

Dean laid a comforting hand on his arm and they stood there silently for a moment.

"Thanks, man," Sam whispered in a tiny, liquid voice.

A young woman walked up to them leading Katie by the hand. At the sight of the girl with cuts and bruises still visible on her face, there was a fresh round of weeping from many of the gathered mourners.

As the last hearse pulled into view, Sam stared at the coffins with a feeling of unreality. They looked too small to contain the bodies of his wife and youngest daughter. Mary's coffin was so tiny it looked barely large enough for her favorite toy - a doll Katie had insisted should be put in the coffin with her sister.

Sam tried to harden himself to the pain of his grief; as a hunter there were certain unpleasant truths he needed to deal with. Some of Sarah's relatives had been quite vocal against cremation, but it was the Hunter way and so he had shot them down, almost literally in one case. There were some traditions that just couldn't be abandoned.

He half-turned to his brothers, "Did you..?"

"Salt? Of course," answered Dean quietly.

Sam nodded his thanks at the small measure of peace that brought, too overcome to speak.

Fighting a mounting feeling of hysteria, Sam took his daughter by the hand and together they allowed themselves to be led into the chapel.

He sat watching the proceedings in a numb daze; he felt a little like he was at the bottom of a well. He couldn't focus and everything seemed so far away; only the feeling of Katie's hand in his connected him to the world. He squeezed her hand gently and for a moment as she looked up at him with tear-stained, doe-like eyes he was struck by how much she looked like her mother.

_Why me? After everything I've already had taken away from me? Mom, a normal childhood, dreams of college, Dad, Bobby, for a while even my sanity. How is it fair I lose my family too?_

Cas watched his brother with concern, noting the sudden change in Sam's demeanor; the rocking and clenching jaw.

At a motion from the Pastor, Cas stood and made his way to the lectern. He was uncomfortable with having been asked to say a eulogy, but he didn't want to let Sam down.

"It's never easy to accept loss, but we have to trust that God has a plan for us, even if it isn't always clear what that is," he started.

"They're calling it an act of God," raged Sam, suddenly. The other mourners looked at him in a combination of shock and embarrassment.

"What does that mean Cas? I mean, didn't you always say He'd left the building?"

"I don't know Sam, no one knows," Cas answered in a quiet voice.

"You're the angel, you should know," Sam shouted. In his pain he just wanted to strike out at someone, anyone. "And what about the poor guy you're possessing? You broke his family apart, you got a plan for him too?"

"That's enough," shouted Dean, shockingly loud in the already stunned silence, torn between which brother he should comfort.

"I don't have the answers," said Cas in a small voice. "I was just a foot soldier, not worthy to look upon the face of God. I don't know where He is, or what his plan is, or even if there is a plan. I'm sorry..." his voice cracked.

"It's alright Cas," said Dean, holding his brother by his shoulders.

"No it isn't! God brought me back and all I did was drive myself mad trying to take His place. And what a mess I made of things. Why did he bring me back again? What have I done to deserve so many chances, but not Sarah and Mary?" he collapsed sobbing.

Sam looked ashamed and just like that he felt his rage deflate like a balloon. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. If anyone should know that they've gone to a better place it's me. It's just that it hurts so much to not have them here with me."

"It's okay, I understand," nodded Cas.

Sam looked at him in curiosity, understanding that Cas was driving at something deeper.

Cas patted himself on the chest, just over his heart, "Jimmy's not been in here with me for a while. I think God thought it was unfair to punish him for my actions, and sent him to his reward. I guess that's... merciful..."

For just the briefest of moments a single ray of sunlight refracted through the stained glass window behind Cas, surrounding him with a dazzling aura of color. Sam's breath hitched in awe.

The sky clouded over again to its former uniform, unrelenting, gun-metal grey.

"But I feel his absence like a hole I can't fill," cried Cas, oblivious to the sign that had played out behind him.

Sam ran to his brother and engulfed him in a hug.

~#~


	8. Out of the Mouths of Babes

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

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**Excerpts from a Life**

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**Out of the Mouths of Babes**

Cas arrived home from work, laden down with shopping, to find Katie sitting on the porch.

"Hello Katie," he greeted, confused as he looked around for Sam and wondered for a moment if he'd missed a message.

"Hey, it's Kat now," the teenager pouted.

"Okay Kat, why don't you help me with these groceries?"

He led her into the house and put on the kettle for something to do while he thought and took in her appearance. She looked bone-tired and grubby, and with the backpack he suspected she'd hitched across country.

"Well it's lovely to see you, if unexpected," he said softly, pulling her into a welcoming embrace.

"Oh Uncle Cas, he's _so_ mean to me," Kat started ranting into his shoulder, "It's like being in prison. Don't make me go back."

"That's enough! Your father loves you. You should honor him."

She looked up at him with her sad, hazel-colored puppy-dog eyes, "Please can I stay with you?" she begged.

_She is definitely her father's daughter_, he thought with a sigh.

"Why don't you go and get cleaned up while I phone your father so he knows you're safe. It's late, so you can stay _just for tonigh_t."

"Thanks, Uncle Cas, you're the best," she squealed, then kissed him on the cheek and ran off to the guest room.

He waited until he heard her moving around upstairs before he phoned her father. Sam answered immediately, the sound of desperation clear in his voice, "Katie?"

"No, it's Cas, but she's here Sam, she's okay."

"Oh, thank God! I've been so worried. We just had the most stupid argument about curfew…."

"What happened?"

"She was late home, and I blew my top, of course, totally overreacted. It's like the harder I try not to be, the more I become like Dad," Sam groaned.

"I regret I never knew your father, Sam. What was he like?" asked Cas in honest curiosity, the brothers rarely talked about the man that had done so much to shape them. _And not always so much for the better._

Before Sam could answer, Cas became aware of a silent presence, and mentally cursing himself for his laxness, he quickly promised to call Sam back later before hanging up the phone.

He turned to a silently watching Kat. _She seems to be able to walk silently like her father too_, he thought.

There was a brief silence.

"You didn't have any spare towels," she offered in a quiet voice by way of explanation.

Cas nodded, waiting for the inevitable.

"What did you mean... you never knew your father?"

Cas' mouth went suddenly dry, he'd been expecting this day would come soon enough, but he'd always counted on Sam and Dean to be present. He stood frozen, feeling strangely vulnerable.

He breathed a mental sigh of relief as, with the sound of a key turning in the lock, the front door opened and Dean walked in.

"Hey Cas. Oh, hi Katie, what brings you here?" he asked, giving her a hug and a peck on the cheek before standing beside Cas and clapping him on the shoulder in greeting.

Kat looked from one man to the other and her mouth dropped open.

_She sees it, she's finally noticed. The half-truths, the missing details of our past, Dean aging and me not..._

"Urgh, you guys dress worse than my _dad_, you've _so_ got to let me go shopping with you."

~#~


	9. Frozen in Time

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

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**Excerpts from a Life**

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**Frozen in Time**

It was Katie's wedding. Sam had never looked as proud as when he'd walked her down the aisle, and hadn't even minded when Dean teased him for crying.

Cas sat back in his seat, feeling like a little melancholic island in the midst of so much happiness, he was not quite able to comprehend the years that had passed by. Dean was propping up the bar as usual, deep in discussion with his brother on the intricate details of a past hunt. Not that the brothers hunted any longer, even if Cas had let them, their reactions had dulled with age.

It was strange to think that they were almost as old as Bobby when he'd died.

An attractive woman in her mid-twenties, probably a friend of Katie's, stumbled over and sat next to him. "Hi, you're far too good-looking to be sitting here all on your lonesome, won'tcha come dance with me?" she asked, with just the faintest of slurs to her speech.

Cas didn't really dance, but when he opened his mouth to decline, she interceded, "Come on, I like an older man!"

"So does he, sweet-heart," rumbled a deep, amused voice from behind her.

Cas looked up and beamed at Dean.

"Oh! Well, if you're gonna leave him unattended, you can't blame a girl for trying," the woman laughed, getting to her feet. "Have a good evening, fellas," she called over her shoulder as she made her way over to the bar.

"Hope you don't mind, but you kinda looked like you needed saving," Dean smirked.

"No, thank you! Besides, no one deserves to see me dance."

Dean chuckled, then winced as he eased himself down in the vacated seat. _Damn arthritis_.

He gazed in awe at the angel, frozen in time, who looked no older than the day he'd met him.

"There was a time you'd have been mortified for people to mistake us for a couple, now it seems like you're actively encouraging it," smiled Cas.

"Yeah, you're right, but y'know what? The older I get, the less I give a shit what other people think," smiled Dean, laying his hand on the angel's shoulder.

"Now do an old guy a favor, and get me a beer, will ya?"

~#~


	10. Making Amends

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

~#~

**Excerpts from a Life**

~#~

**Making Amends**

Castiel rushed into the ER and queued impatiently at the overwhelmed reception desk.

"I got a call that Dean Winchester was brought in," he explained, when he finally got to the front of the line.

A frazzled-looking nurse was called over who introduced himself, but Cas was too distracted and jittery to take anything in.

The nurse looked at him with sympathy, "Your father?"

"What? No, he's my brother."

The nurse looked surprised and more than a little suspicious at the large age gap.

"I'm adopted," Cas answered simply, realizing that he was stretching credibility to the realms of the impossible. It was definitely time to update to a new fake ID, maybe as Dean's son or nephew, or maybe even a grandson.

"Hmm. Your brother was brought in after he was found unconscious in the street. We've been running some standard tests, but really it's just age; his body's literally worn out. Although, I'm afraid he does also have some fairly extensive liver damage and quite frankly an appalling number of poorly healed broken bones and contortions. I'm guessing in the past he lived on the street?"

"What? No, well, not exactly..."Cas was getting irritated by the supercilious tone. This was a man whose physical form he'd rebuilt himself and someone who had made sacrifices his whole life to keep others safe. He deserved some respect.

"Okay... There are also signs of considerable scarring to the heart muscles, although it looks like that was from some time ago. It's a _miracle_ he's survived this long."

"Yes it _was_," smiled Cas, despite the rudeness. "Last time he had heart trouble he was cured by a faith healer."

The nurse started to chuckle then stopped at the intensity of Cas' expression.

The young man looked harried and bone-tired as he rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed, giving Cas the sudden, overwhelming impression of a young Dean. Here was another young man dedicating his life to saving people in the face of ever increasing odds, with probably little in the way of thanks.

"I'm sorry, no excuses, I'm just overtired from pulling a double shift. Can we start over?"

Cas nodded.

"Look, ten years ago we might have been able to do something for him, but these days what with resources so scarce, there really just isn't enough to go round."

Cas' heart sank at the words.

"Listen, the best thing you can do is take your brother home and try to make him comfortable," the nurse added gently.

"There's really very little we can do for him. Maybe a little more of that faith?" he gave a small, apologetic smile before leaving.

The former angel stood gazing at his friend for a long minute before reaching a decision. He concentrated on gathering up the very last vestiges of his grace and tried to use it to heal Dean, but it was just too little, too late. The tiny flicker of his grace was almost extinguished by the herculean effort required for what he was attempting.

"Please," he begged, and he wasn't quite sure if he spoke the word aloud or not.

For a moment he thought he heard the whisper of his name in the air, and he shivered at the sensation of the lightest touch of a hand on his arm.

It was as if he had found a hidden reserve of power, not much, but just enough to make a few minor repairs, maybe enough for a few more years of life.

On the bed Dean started to stir, the life returning to now florid cheeks. He groaned and his eyes fluttered and opened. His voice sounded rough and unused, "Cas? You okay?"

Cas paused for a moment, considering himself, with a shock like a punch to the stomach he realized he could no longer sense what had always been the ever present whisper of the Host of Heaven in the back of his mind. He suddenly felt bereft and all alone.

"Cas?"

_Almost_. He gave a quick, but heartfelt prayer of thanks before he reached out and laid an unsteady hand on Dean's shoulder.

"I'm fine, I'm right where I'm supposed to be," he smiled.

~#~


	11. Practice Doesn't Make Perfect

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

~#~

**Excerpts from a Life**

~#~

**Practice Doesn't Make Perfect**

Cas sat there feeling like the heart had been ripped from his chest.

He tried to breathe normally, he'd known this was coming; he'd been trying to mentally prepare himself for it. But there are some things that you can never be ready for.

Dean had passed, not in a blaze of glory, but quietly, with dignity and holding Cas' hand.

Cas had sat with the body for a while, but the medical staff needed the room and he'd needed to let the rest of the family know.

As if on cue he saw Sam, accompanied by Katherine, make their way into the hospital. Such was the nature of his big heart that even in his grief Sam still had a small smile of greeting for Cas.

"Uncle Cas," greeted Katherine with tears in her eyes, letting go of her father's arm and rushing forward to plant a kiss on Cas' cheek, "I'm so very sorry."

She cast a quick look back to her father, before pitching her voice low, below Sam's hearing, "Please talk to him, there's something bothering him, but he won't tell me."

Cas looked over at his so-called younger brother, the man who now looked old enough to be his grandfather.

Sam seemed agitated, "Where is he Cas?"

Cas gestured to the room he'd just vacated.

"No, _where_ is he."

Cas suddenly understood the source of Sam's anxiety.

"Sam, he was a good man, a _righteous_ man. He's gone to his reward, not Hell. No one holds a contract on his soul."

"You're sure?"

"The contract was void the moment I pulled him from Hell."

"Oh thank God, thank you Cas," sighed Sam in visible relief.

Sam looked fearfully at the room that held the waiting body of his brother, "I've done this so many times. It doesn't get any easier," he whispered.

~#~


	12. Goodbye is the Hardest Word of All

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

~#~

**Excerpts from a Life**

~#~

**Goodbye is the Hardest Word of All.**

"You miss them," Katherine smiled sadly at Cas, as she handed him a foil-wrapped packet of leftovers to take away with him. It had been a tough Thanksgiving; the first without either Sam or Dean.

"Every waking moment of every day," he said, and Katherine's heart broke to see how vulnerable he looked. Somehow knowing how powerful he'd been in the past, only made it worse.

"Why don't you stay? I can make a bed up," Katherine asked gently.

"No, that's very kind, but I need to..." Cas said, his voice trailing off.

Katherine gave him an appraising look and changed the subject, "My neighbor was asking about you, remember Marcie?"

"Oh yes, she was very... _attentive_."

"I told her you were my nephew," Katherine said, meaning to make a joke of it, but surprised to hear how tight and high her voice sounded to her own ears.

Cas looked at his niece, and it was almost like seeing her for the first time. The little girl he knew as Katie was long gone and instead he realized he was talking to a mature woman with her own family and concerns. A woman who was far older than Sam and Dean had been when he'd first started to live with them.

"Thing is, she knows Mary was my only sibling, so I think she thinks I'm having an affair."

Cas gave her a concerned look, worried that he might be causing her distress.

"She pretty much said that it's about the only thing stopping her from jumping your bones herself," Katherine said with a smirk. Cas' heart gave a jolt as for a brief moment she looked just like her father and sounded just like her uncle.

Then for the first time in a long, long time he laughed; so he was surprised to find his cheeks wet with tears.

"I know you're waiting to go to them," Katherine said, her own eyes filling-up, "I love you Cas, I mean who wouldn't want an angel for an uncle? You're always welcome here, _always_, but I'm getting the vibe that this might be goodbye and _that's okay too_."

A tension released itself from Cas' chest; he should have realized that she was just as insightful as her father had been.

"You're so much like your parents... they would be so proud of you. Thank you, Katie," said Cas, giving his niece a fond goodbye kiss on the forehead.

Katherine watched him walk off into the dark, barely able to see through the tears pouring down her face, "Oh Lord, please forgive him. Please, take him home," she begged, before heading indoors, with a sudden need to hug her own family.

~#~


	13. Coming Home

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.**

**A series of short excerpts from Castiel's remaining life with the Winchesters, after hunting. Almost certainly AU. Set after Season 7. Close, but no Destiel. Warnings: Scenes of bereavement and indirect references to character death.**

~#~

**Excerpts from a Life**

~#~

**Coming Home**

Dark clouds parted to display a sight too wondrous for any mere human eyes to comprehend. The blinding light, that was not a light, all but obscured the strangest impression of eyes on a multitude of wheels, spinning within wheels, which hummed with joy and sang words of praise to each other.

Cas screwed up his own eyes tightly while trying to stop-up his ears with his fingers, feeling as if his head was going to explode, or at the very least like his blood was going to boil away in his veins. He'd had previous experience of exploding and, just as he was sure he was about to go for a third time lucky, the sensory overload stopped as suddenly as it had started.

He opened his eyes and there stood the tall, somber figure of the archangel Phanuel.

"Are you ready to come home?" asked Phanuel, without any preamble.

"Home?"

"Yes, your banishment is over."

"Over?"

"Yes," Phanuel replied, with a gentle chuckle as if talking to a child.

Castiel forced down the surge of joy in his heart and closed his eyes. A silent count of ten later he looked at Phanuel with a frank skepticism borne from his long years on earth with the Winchesters, "Will I be allowed to see them again?"

"What, you think we're monsters? The days of Zachariah and Raphael are long behind us, brother."

Cas took the offered hand, his eyes glistening with tears, as the archangel of repentance drew him into a loving embrace.

With a final blinding burst of brilliant white light, and the sound of a thousand birds taking flight they were gone.

It is said that all those who were open to the potential of the Holy dreamed the same words that night:

_Rejoice, Castiel is saved!_

~#~

_"Love; it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,_

_It will set you free,_

_Be more like the man you were made to be."_

_-_ 'Sigh No More', Mumford and Sons.

~#~

**A/N: Can I just say that I reject wholesale the concept of the afterlife as shown in Supernatural. Was that **_**really**_** the best you could offer us, Kripke? **_**Re-runs**_**?**


End file.
